I was accused of never writing any happy love songs over the course of my previous relationship, but it just so happened that I had a plethora of sunny pop love songs in my library at the time and no songs that dealt with the sad times that occur in relationships so to expand my library topics that is what I wrote about. So I kinda feel bad that I never wrote any happy songs really during that time period (side note: Heath Ledger killed himself while “acting as the suicidal joker”, so is it possible I killed my relationship by dwelling on the negative aspects?”). I wrote this one yesterday, I hadn’t posted it because I was worried it sounds a little too trite and hopeful, when I am trying to expel false senses of hope from my life right now. I’m a dreamer, and it’s hard for me to escape from my own dreams. (I think that is going to be my new pickup line). Here are the lyrics to the song called ‘One Day’ -

I’ve said too much

But not enough

All the wrong words

So I lost your love

If I could return

I’d just say three words

I was wrong

I was wrong

One day you’ll remember that you love me

One day I’ll get a second chance

One day you’ll want to be my lady

One day I’ll get to be your man

There’s a million reasons

For us to be apart

But you and I together

Is God’s work of art

I was a man consumed by pain

Anger and Angst

You helped me change

You helped me change

Repeat Chorus

But until that day

We’re on separate roads

I meet girl after girl

But none mate my soul

I do what I must

To bide all my time

But I know that I’m yours

And you’ll always be mine

I was wrong

I was wrong

Repeat Chorus

Comments (0) Dec 22 2009

Forgive my reluctance

To let you roam

But the last time I let a girl

Half as amazing as you go

She was engaged to be married

Nine months down the road

I know that’s not really you

But hey you never know

You move from cowboy casanova

To the refreshingly honest 20 year old

Because I’m sure that he’ll give ya

The emotional support I was told

You needed

Which was why our love

Was depleted?

It’s hard for me to

Believe it

So as I watch the decisions

You make with your life

Each passing glance pushes me

Further from strife

I won’t sit here and wonder

What the hell you are thinking

I’m not going to let you

Drive me into drinking

It’s your heart and your life

So do as you please

Without anxiety of me

Being on bended knees

So I’m on to the next one

And the next one and the next one

How many girls later…

Will I still feel your the best one

I’m hoping your not the one

And our love wasn’t special

So I can be free without

Feeling regretful

So I can be happy

Since you won’t come back to me

I pray out to god to make our

Love Actually,

A sham

Comments (0) Dec 22 2009

Weltschmerz

1 : mental depression or apathy caused by comparison of the actual state of the world with an ideal state

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle…

Comments (0) Dec 17 2009

I didn’t really adhere to the iambic pentameter model… lol.

I fought for her the way I wish she fought for me

So don’t try and call me crazy because I fought ’til she made me bleed

I was fighting for the cause of the next 70 years of my life

So spending 9 months in Newark, Ohio was more than worth the plight

Maybe by then I would have just let go on my own

Instead of her breaking my fingers with these apathetic stones

It would have hurt right now but been happier in the long scheme

I can’t bring the future back so I guess it is “so long dream…”

She’s too short sighted always living in the now

I’m too far sighted the future weighs me down

Still I’m really looking forward to the dopeness of love

When it grows with someone new it’s always bigger than what was

A love that can survive the bevvy of my mistakes

Even if it is a mistake as big as me walking away

I made monumental errors and I realized I made some

I’ll try and be a better lover if she realizes she’s made one

I’ll try and reopen my heart even though the pain it burns

Because the love that we once had is worth a lifetime of turns

Life isn’t Candyland it’s not all sweet to the taste

It’s more like a war zone and the casualty is fate

Comments (0) Dec 07 2009

So I started writing this song ‘Send You On You Way’ a couple months ago while I was in NYC/NJ. I wrote the chorus but I wasn’t feeling inspired enough to write the verses. I had a recent conversation with a friend about cowboy casanovas, and that kind of inspired the bridge of the song, and I was able to build it from there. Here are a rough cut of the lyrics to the song…

VERSE 1

I’m sorry to hear that you’re finally through

I want you to know that I still love you

It pains me to hear that we’ll never be

I swear by the heavens you were made just for me

No more sadness and depression

Anger and resentment

Onto a new testament

I know that you were heaven sent

CHORUS

My love is like true love only deepend

I just can’t understand how you can keep him, around

Well baby, baby, baby

Maybe, maybe, maybe

It’s time for me to send you on your way

VERSE 2

Fly, fly, flyaway oh sweet freebird

While I hideaway wishing I could leave earth

You’re never coming back to me and this broken road is getting steeper

Everybody’s asking me, “why didn’t you keep her?”

Had I been smarter, faster, and stronger

I never ever would have wronged ya

My confusion made me ponder

I couldn’t take it any longer

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE

You chose cowboy casanova

While I’m laying here holed up

Love addict with no love

Guess it’s time I grow up

I thought you were different

It seems no one’s different

Without fear of commitment

I just scare these women

REPEAT CHORUS

Comments (0) Dec 04 2009

I was listening to ‘Pursuit of Happiness’ by Kid Cudi and decided to scribble some stuff down…

When you give up happiness

In the pursuit of happiness

At the end of the day

You find yourself happy-less

Can a man follow old dreams

And live in reality

Or are the two notions

A contradict-ality

It’s a romantic notion

That life is a wheel of fortune

But there’s no romantic potion

That could ever change my fortune

The road that is cursed

Is the road less taken

Shining and shimmering

But blessed by Satan

The road that is broken

Has been blessed by the heavens

So everyone’s on it

Almost 24/7

I want to rule the world

I want a baby girl

I want a smart sexy lady

Who can make my toes curl

Someday I’ll get where I’m going

Though I have no way of knowing

So until that day

I hope my heart just keeps going

Comments (0) Dec 03 2009

I want you to know that during my three month stint in New York City the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders, and for the first time in my adult life I am no longer depressed. Still… my heart aches from dealing with the aftermath and consequences of the decisions and mistakes I made while depressed. Thank God for my family. Thank God for my friends. My single greatest strength is not my ability to make music, it is my immense capacity to love and be loved. It feels so liberating to finally be able to look at that as a strength and not as a weakness. I just wanted you to know.

I’m ripping a sample of  ‘You Oughtta Know’  by Alanis Morissette to put in a hip hop song. Specifically the part where she says “I want you to know.” It’s a very powerful phrase, I don’t think the song that I make is going to have anything to do with the stuff I wrote in the paragraph above, but I just felt like using the phrase today.

Comments (0) Dec 02 2009

I’m slightly concerned that after reading my blog posts and twitter tweets over the past week, people are going to think that I hate New York which is quite contrary to the reality of the situation. I heart New York. I love what this city contains and the energy it brings. Sometimes I hate the subway schedule, life here would certainly be easier if I had a job, and I wish I had a larger network of friends. These are all things that would and will come over time though wherever I am, except for the subway schedule changes (soon I’ll be rich enough to take taxi’s and private cars everywhere). Here is the thing though, I moved to New York to build a kingdom, and when I got here I realized I had forgotten my queen in Ohio. I guess I always had a notion that I had to build my kingdom first and then find a queen who wanted to be a part of it, I now realize that it would have been a much better plan to take the queen I had and we could have built our kingdom together. In an ideal world, I go back to Ohio, throw myself at the mercy of the court, get my queen back, and we build the kingdom together this time. In the real world there will be a much different scenario. People don’t care about realizations and epiphanies. People care about you being there for them, down to fight for them, never abandoning them; and everything I’ve done for the past six months has been to the contrary of that (which is a sure fire way to make someone fall out of love with you).

So, even though New York is the place where I realized a monumental error in my ways, I’m so happy for the time that I got to spend here. While I was here I met some really awesome people, rediscovered my love of hip hop, I recorded a new hip hop album, and through the process of making this album I found my voice. Meaning I found the ability within myself to really talk about things that are affecting me. Which is something that I’ve always struggled to do. I know I’ve been going a little overboard with it on the blog lately, I’m going to try and tame it down a bit. I write my rap verses so conversationally, sometimes I forget that a rap verse and a blog post are two different things; and where it’s perfectly acceptable to have some stream of consciousness self expression in a song, doing so in a blog can leave people with the wrong impression about things going on in my life. I’m pretty excited to start sharing the music and myself with you all. Goodbye, goodnight, and I heart New York.

Comments (0) Nov 16 2009

So apparently everything that I learned in college about women, I completely forgot during my last relationship. I say this because if I had remembered any of it, I wouldn’t have been doing these depressing, borderline psychotic rants that have lit up my blog for the past week. I’m going to tell you guys how much I love NYC when I get a chance today, but right now I’m packing up to move. It turns out I got what I came for, didn’t know what I was coming for, but now that I got it I’m pretty thankful.

Comments (0) Nov 16 2009

MTV Diary of… N.E.R.D from Adrian Hylton on Vimeo.

Comments (0) Nov 16 2009